In 2004, I gave birth to our eldest son, who we named Neo. I felt an overwhelming feeling of love for him. Beautiful pitch-black hair boy with a peaceful demeanour. It felt so easy to love him and be protective of him.
In 2009, I fell pregnant with a baby girl, who we named Angelique. The pregnancy was amazing, doing belly dancing throughout the pregnancy and feeling very feminine, beautiful, and confident. I know now that a big part of who, I was during this pregnancy was Angelique’s personality shining through.
We could not come up with a name, for Angelique.Whilst having Reiki treatment with my Reiki teacher, when I was about 7 months pregnant, I could hear myself calling her. Saying,” Come Angie”. I came out of the treatment having a knowing that her name should be Angie. I spoke to my husband about the name and we decided to call her Angelique, as it included “Angel”. Strangely most people including ourselves call her Angie. So, I think she kind of named herself.
Angelique was born on 03 Feb 2010, weighing 3.9kg and she was so strong. In the recovery room, the nurse put her on my belly and with the strength of her head and neck muscles, she managed to move to my breast and latch and started feeding. This to me reflected the strength that she brings with her into this world.
I noticed that I did not feel that burst of love for Angelique as I did for Neo. It niggled at me, but I did not really take note of it, as I loved her, but I knew there was something missing. When, Angelique was 2 years old, I had my third son. During this period, I was still working half day for a property development company while doing my Reiki Level 2. One day, I rushed home from work as Angelique fell off the slide. She fractured a small bone in her elbow. I was quite emotional to see her in pain. I took her to the doctor and a cast was put on her elbow. A few weeks later, I went to the shops and took Angelique with me. I put her in the trolley with the shopping bags. Walking to the car, she decides to stand up, the wheel of the trolley went over a manhole and the trolley jerked. Angelique, flew out of the trolley and fell on her face. Adrenalin pumped through me. I got to her within seconds fearing the worst, broken bones etc. A lady passing by helped me to the car, she pushed the trolley while I carried my crying two-year-old. I drove directly to the Medi-Clinic. I was so emotional, I could not explain what happened. The doctor checked her out and physically, Angelique just had a few scratches. She was very emotional, and I was emotional for a few days. I started asking the question, why is she getting hurt so much. What is the universe trying to tell me?
Soon after the trolley incident, I had a reiki attunement, as part of my Reiki level 2 studies and a clarity about Angelique was revealed. I had a close relationship with my dad, a “daddy’s girl”. My son, Neo resembles my dad. Neo is so much like my dad and my husband, so naturally it was easy to feel and burst of love for him. On the other side, whilst growing up, I felt there was something missing in my relationship with my mom. My mom did the best she could with the knowledge and nurturing she got as a child. She worked a 6-day week job and my dad’s drinking was also taxing on her time. Like all humans, I could understand the circumstances but a feeling of something lacking remained in my being.
The clarity that was revealed is that I need to heal the relationship with my mom to have a deeper connection and in turn resulting in a better relationship with Angelique. I started spending more time with my mom. Instead of trying to let her see life from my point of view, I worked on accepting who she was, as she is and just spend time with her. Also spend, one on one time with Angelique, just the two of us. With time, me and my mom’s relationship grew beautifully. I have learnt that we are very alike, and yet we live very different lives currently. I recognize the strength and gentleness in her that resonates within me and Angelique. I can feel my relationship with Angelique has deepened. She is beautiful little girl that I love with all my heart. Strong and independent, yet sensitive.
Recognising the discord in relationships in our lives, are the first step to healing. Once we know what we need to work on, conscious healing can begin. By healing the relationship with those around us we deepen the relationship with ourselves.