10 Tips for the Best Holiday Harmony
The holiday season is often daunting and a great source of stress for many. Professional psychologist Mona-Lize brings us 10 Tips for Holiday Harmony to make your festive season seamless, successful and filled with joy.
Mona-Lize is an energetic Psychologist, specialising in clients who have experienced trauma. She incorporates many western and holistic techniques to find, and resolve the root cause of any triggers and thought patterns, which may be disrupting your life, like depression and anxiety, amongst other things – whether emotional, mental or physical.
To book a free 30 minute session with her, email hola@metanoia-sa.com
“Being mindful and looking after yourself over the holidays is imperative to moving into 2025 on a happy and energetic note.”
1. Plan properly to avoid added, unnecessary stress is no. 1 in our 10 Tips for Holiday Harmony
Not everyone is a fancy little planner, making lists of what needs to be done well in advance – we’re not all Virgo’s. LOL. BUT…planning is something that can really make all the difference in your stress levels over the holidays. If you plan properly, and well ahead of time, you will be able to spare yourself those nasty, expensive last-minute trips to the shop where you may have to que for hours, robbing you of your precious time in that present moment. Whether it’s buying presents, creating a menu, shopping for the ingredients you need, travel plans, pet sitting, sleeping arrangements or budgeting, try to plan it ahead of time. Make a shopping list and create some kind of schedule for yourself. Making a schedule, and trying to stick with it (no one is saying there shouldn’t be some spontaneity), means you can avoid busy malls, rushing and frustrated people, and more than likely, an argument or 2 over who sits where or who sleeps where and so on. Last minute rushing can cause stress and anxiety, and affect the nervous system, and who has the energy to regulate right now when all you want is your holiday harmony. Plan, and try to keep yourself in calm and less stressful circumstances through that. An added benefit – every time you tick something off of your list, some dopamine is released in the brain, which aids in a healthy, happy mental state.
Tip: Start NOW if you haven’t yet.
2. Take, and make space and time for yourself
Yes, it gets busy, and in between trying to plan, please everyone, and trying to always put your best foot forward, we often forget make time for ourselves. This makes it impossible to REALLY rest and recover from what this year might have thrown at you. While you are planning for the season, make sure to schedule in that much needed “Me time”. Whether it is booking a massage, taking a long, quiet bath, or reading a good book, schedule in some of these activities that recharge your batteries, makes you feel good about yourself and allows you to maintain your inner balance a little better. If you find, which you more than likely will, that you feel overwhelmed at any point, then allow yourself to feel that way. Remove yourself from your current circumstances and surroundings, and take a moment just for you. Regulate, release and enjoy the rest of your day. Don’t let it throw you completely off course.
Tip: Spending time alone for short increments can be a super effective way to care for yourself. There is no rule to say that you have to be in the company of your loved ones 24 hours a day, every day. Take that time if you feel that you need it – and you can combine it with something else like exercise if you are short on time.
3. Get good quality sleep
We all know how much 1 night of poor sleep can affect us on all levels. Physically we feel heavy and drained, and we struggle more to cope mentally and emotionally. Your nervous system will be thrown out of whack much more easily when you are tired. We are way more prone to mood swings, reacting to triggers and battling with our nervous system if we didn’t get our 7 – 9 hours. You may even experience some paranoia, and if you are already an anxious person…well, you know the drill. As much as late nights and a full social schedule is par for the course this time of year, try and make sure that you give your mind and body sufficient rest and sleep. Not only will you feel better, but you will be able to start 2025 with more gusto. And let’s face it, when we’re less cranky, those around us are happier too. It’s been a long year – allow yourself to rest. This sounds crazy – but do you know how many people do not give themselves permission to rest? Allow…
Tip: As far as possible, try and stick to a schedule when it comes to bed time and waking up. I know it’s not always easy, and when you can’t, try and take a nap somewhere. You are allowed to be restful.
4. Try not to over-consume – on all levels
I’ve always been a firm believer in “Everything in moderation”. If you’re going to eat it, drink it or do it, then ENJOY it! Savor it! Just try not to do it in excess. Eat what you want, but less of it. Drink the wine – but not the bottle. Buy the gift, but it doesn’t have to put you into debt for the next 24 months. What we eat, drink, watch and do every day, forms a part of how we feel…remember that. When last did you wake up with a hangover, or a food baby and feel an overwhelming amount of joy in your heart? Never? We are most likely to over indulge in food, drink and spending over this time of year – and even though this information is well known by almost everyone, we tend to still ignore it, and punish ourselves just a touch. Your happy hormones, especially the production of Serotonin is severely affected by what we eat and drink. Where possible, try to keep your diet “clean-ish” in between the celebrations and festivities, and make sure to try and balance things out with some good supplements. Think pre- and pro-biotics, turmeric, milk thistle and Vitamin B.
With regards to spending – budget in advance where possible. Spending money you don’t really have on expensive trips, gifts and meals to please and impress everyone, adds pressure to you without you necessarily realizing it. You might not feel it right away, but you will come end of January 2025, when you need to start paying off the debt you accumulated. I know it’s hard, but try not to step into that debt trap. Implement guidelines on how much people are allowed to spend on gifts, and try not to swipe that credit card so easily. That way, you are more likely to start the new year more relaxed regarding your finances. There’s no reason why January needs to feel like it’s 12 weeks long. I like the idea of not buying it unless you can pay cash…but in reality, that’s not always possible. Another tip regarding planning – save a little every month in 2025, if possible, and by the time Christmas come around, you’ll have some savings to use on the groceries, presents etc.
Tip: Make sure to detox a bit after heavy sessions of eating and drinking. Make sure to add a green juice or 2, and some super foods into your diet – they can be SUPER tasty. If you add this to your menu, your guests will get the benefits too. And please…budget.
5. Try to keep Active
No one wants to be pumping iron or breaking a sweat in the gym on Christmas day, but keeping active during this period has huge health benefits. It supports your mental, emotional and physical well-being, and in my case, it ensures the safety of those around me. Exercise releases endorphins, another one of the happy hormones. Just thinking about the positive spin offs is enough to motivate you to go for a long walk, or to take that run or swim you love so much, and to clear your head, while you’re at it. There is an infinite number of articles available at your fingertips on the be benefits of moving your body, so there is no need to try and re-explain all of this to you, but I don’t think we always realise the positive impact it has on our mental and emotional bodies too. Studies show that we are able to access our coping mechanisms more easily, regulate our nervous system better, and generally feel more satisfied within ourselves when we are more active. No one is saying that you need to exercise 4 hours a day, 7 days a week, but trying to maintain an active lifestyle during this time of year can really be key to coping with the stress is brings. Don’t forget the added benefits of managing those festive kg’s and getting some time away from all the rushing. It’s a win, win, win.
Tip: If you exercise in the morning, it sets you up to be in a good mood for the rest of the day.
6. Focus on Human connection
Your presence means so much more than the presents…. Cliché, I know, but so very true! Your family won’t remember the new laptop or the latest PlayStation you bought them, but they will always cherish the memories you make together. Covid-19 and the development of AI have had a major impact on the break down of human connection. We have realized that we can work from home, order groceries and whatever we want to be delivered right to our front door and so on. It’s not totally unavoidable to go out, but it has become much less of a necessity in our every day lives. That means – less face-to-face interactions with colleagues, friends and family. We see families texting one another from different rooms in the same house as being common place nowadays. I would like to encourage you to try and connect with those you love over this holiday season – and I mean really connect with them. The memories you will make will last for the rest of your life – that I can promise you. The right and important people value your time and your presence – not what you can give them. Be present in the moment, and savor the time you have together. Added bonus – by being present, you are not stressing about the future, or regretting something that happened in the past – you are right where you need to be, and where all is well. Being in the present moment creates space for making memories, being happy and at peace. Be where you are, and watch the magic happen…. which brings me to my next point….
Tip: Focus on listening to the person you are with instead of thinking about the dishes, washing or something irrelevant to the conversation you are having. Ask the person how they are…it’s so important to engage.
7. Practice Mindfulness
Being mindful and self-aware is not something that comes overnight… It takes practice. Not everyone has the time, capacity or capability to sit and meditate for hours at a time, but if you have found a mindfulness practice that works for you, schedule time to do that during the holidays too. If you haven’t found something that works for you, I encourage you to find something you enjoy doing, and that fits into your lifestyle on a permanent basis. In the meantime, be mindful in your every day life. When you eat, be present and conscious – taste the food, chew it properly. If you’re with family, be with them, connect with them, engage with them. If you’re exercising, focus on how you move your body. Move consciously and with intent. Get out of auto pilot and focus only on what you are busy with in that moment. It’s a game changer.
Tip: Try and see whether you can combine something mindful with an activity – like walking meditation. That way you are exercising and practicing mindfulness at the same time – which is a win! Strive for mindful holiday harmony.
8. Show up for yourself – ALWAYS
For some, the holidays can be a very lonely and triggering time. It can leave you feeling alone, abandoned and rejected. Yes, it can sometimes be circumstantial, and sometimes not getting that invite, or not having anyone come over to see you, or being alone on special days and occasions, can leave you feeling sad and depressed. BUT…what if you gave yourself what you so desperately want from others? What if you cook for yourself, love and accept yourself fully, approve if yourself and focus your energy on yourself instead of focusing so much on who isn’t there. Just because they do not show up, doesn’t make you any less worthy, valuable, lovable or likable than you are. Make your own Holiday Harmony. The same goes for forcing yourself to be in situations, positions or company, that you don’t really want to be in.
Going somewhere, because you feel like it is expected of you, or because you want to please others and keep the peace is a form of self-abandonment. Your peace is more important. Focus on you, and what you are able to do for yourself, and to protect your peace. When in doubt, always come back to self. What do you need to be the very best version of yourself? Don’t allow people to cross your boundaries just because they drank too much, or because it’s Christmas, or because it’s family. Don’t let anyone bully or manipulate you, in any way no matter how much you want Holiday Harmony. You can be firm, and stand up for yourself, in a loving way. If you need rest, then rest. Enter 2025 with more energy than you ended off with in 2024.
Tip: No is a complete sentence, you do not have to explain yourself.
9. Surround yourself with authenticity
There are always people in our lives who we know, or at least suspect, are not being authentic, or those who we feel we cannot be our authentic selves in front of. It can be uncomfortable when you sense someone isn’t being sincere, and when you feel you cannot fully be yourself. It adds to stress, throws you out of alignment with self, and isn’t worth it. When we are consistently wearing a mask we lose sense of ourselves – that’s the danger. I encourage you to be yourself…your authentic, crazy, out of the box, different self. Be the self in alignment with your soul and your destiny. If there has ever been a time on this planet where this is important, it is right NOW. Keep your vibes high! Be your beautiful self. If anyone doesn’t like it, their absence in your life will create space for your true tribe. If they can’t be authentic and real with you, then they are not your people and certainly won’t contribute to holiday harmony.
Tip: Be who you are, and that in itself will make you feel so good. Know that you are ENOUGH!
10.Heal yourself
If you’re already on a healing journey, you’ll know it’s not something you can do in 3 weeks. Of course, you can alleviate symptoms and triggers in a short space of time, but it takes work, commitment and effort to navigate. We’ll always have something to heal, it just depends how willing we are, and what set of circumstances life throws at us. Starting your healing journey now, won’t necessarily mean that the next year’s holiday season will be effortless although I can guarantee it will make the next years season easier to navigate. Why would I say that? We all have some form of trauma or a few skewed frames of references at the root cause of our triggers and reactions. If you can find that root cause and work with it, others’ actions will be less triggering for you. Healing yourself won’t remove toxicity from your life, but as you move through the process, you will, notice yourself being less affected and reactive. Remember others are not responsible for your triggers – it is your responsibility to heal them.
Tip: Start taking note of what triggers and try and remember the 1st time you felt that way. That memory might well be the root cause. When you feel ready, reach out to a therapist or practitioner to help you through the process.
These tips may seem over simplified, and this kind of information is available everywhere, yet I know that so many of us still fall into the same traps of making debt, over consuming and people pleasing every year. Being mindful and looking after yourself over the holidays is imperative to moving into 2025 on a happy and energetic note. Find holiday harmony is a noble pursuit. As far as your healing journey goes, I know it is daunting, and no one can tell you what to do or when to start…but you know deep down. I celebrate you, BRAVE SOUL!
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IF YOU ARE NOT DONE WITH YOUR HOLIDAY HEALING JOURNEY TRY READING:
THE HEALING OF INDIVIDUALS, FAMILIES AND NATIONS BY JOHN L. PAYNE
